There are the obvious reasons why you don’t want to have sex anymore, like low libido or coming down with a cold. Then there are the not-so-obvious reasons you don’t want to do it.

Here are 5 Reasons You Don’t Want to Have Sex Anymore:

You’re Busy with STUFF

When it comes to day-to-day priorities, sex often falls low on the totem pole. We tend to prioritize things, starting with whatever stresses us out the most. Somehow emptying the dishwasher took priority over a roll in the hay.

Guess what? The dishes will still be there in 20 minutes. Use that time to connect with your partner instead. It will be much more rewarding than getting all the dishes put away.

You’re Letting Stress Win

Stress is par for the course, especially for women. The American Psychological Association’s 2014 Stress In America survey confirms that women report higher stress levels than men, and are more likely to feel stressed in the first place. What's important is how we manage it.

Try to find healthy ways to manage your stress, whether it’s yoga, running, a painting class… or sex! Connecting on a deeper level will help release endorphins resulting in a happier you.

The Sex Plays Out Like 2:00 AM Reruns

The same old, same old can leave you in a sex rut. It is nice to have your partner know your sexual wants and how to please you, but these routines can lead to a stale and stagnant sex life. If variety is the spice of life, how do you keep the flavor in a monogamous relationship?

Come up with a list of sexy things to try, like scented candles or certain positions and have each other rate the items on your list on a scale of 1 to 5 – 1 being “not willing to try” and 5 being “would love to try”. Compare notes and make a little time to experiment with the common items from your lists.

You Both Want Different Things

In the bedroom, that is. Sometimes couples find that they have different wants and needs. Sometimes libidos don’t match which can make one partner feel like they are nagging for sex all the time and the other feeling pressure to have sex even when they don’t really feel like it, making it feel more like a chore. Sex should be a “want to” not a “have to”. How do you overcome the difference?

Some people are just not as sexual, and that’s ok. The key here may be compromise and communication. Couples often discover that they are each aroused at different times of the day i.e. one person enjoys afternoon delight and the other is more into nighttime romp sessions. It would stand to reason that maybe the person with the higher libido could be more flexible with the timing of their partner’s desires. Talk to one another about when those times may be.

The Current State of Your Union is Tense

Whether you are fighting about petty things like who left more dirty dishes in the sink to more serious issues like infidelity, there may certainly be a damper on your intimate relationship. These things tend to bubble right under the surface and make you feel angry, jealous, or resentful of your partner. Those types of feelings don’t really set the mood and can definitely be plaguing your sexual desires more than you think.

Take a personal inventory of your feelings and why you are feeling the way you do. Sure they’re just dirty dishes, but what about the laundry that’s STILL sitting in the dryer or the fact that your only quiet time was when you were getting ready for bed. Are these things that you can let go of, or do you need to have a conversation with your partner about helping out around the house? Decluttering your mind is freeing and may help relieve a lot of tension in the relationship.

If more serious issues are the root cause here, maybe it’s time to visit a relationship counselor. Infidelity does not doom the relationship but there needs to be closure on the matter so you both can move past it. If you don’t, the issue will continue to resurface and keep the relationship tense.

Still having trouble figuring out why you don’t want to do it with your partner? 

Want to reconnect with your partner and rekindle your relationship? We have weekend openings for our Couples Retreat.