With the 2020 Presidential Election just two weeks away, Americans are feeling tense, hopeful, angry, excited, betrayed, and plenty of other justifiable feelings. But what happens when our political alignment brings those feelings into our marriage or relationships?

When we think about politics, we often think about two parties, Republicans and Democrats, but often those political affiliations carry with them ideologies, principles, and policies that may not perfectly align with our own or, more importantly, our partner’s. Discussing politics in a relationship can be hard, especially if we know we are going to disagree, but hard discussion, debate, and disagreement are healthy for a relationship. They can save us a world of hurt just as easily as they can build a stronger, more respectful, and more tolerant relationship.

As this year’s election draws closer, keep these tips in mind to ensure your relationship and your core values adapt for the better.

Educate Yourself.

You can’t have a well-informed debate with your partner if you are not well-informed on the issues being discussed. If you know your partner holds different political views than you do, read up on both sides of the issue before you meet your partner to discuss them. That way, you are familiar with their arguments and can better discuss your own.

Don’t Try to Change Your Partner.

Chances are, you won’t be able to change your partner’s views even if you tried. When you debate with your partner, keep in mind that attacking an issue is not the same as attacking your partner. The discussion should not be pointed at trying to change your partner’s beliefs, but rather sharing your own with the understanding . This is not the time to equate your partner’s laziness toward cleaning dishes with his stance on Universal Basic Income or her OCD with her desire for tighter regulations on gun control. Keep the discussion on the issues, not the other person, and always approach them with respect and open-mindedness.

Have a Safe Word & Know When to Stop

The reason we tend not to talk about politics and religion with strangers is because it’s easy for emotions to go from 0 to 100. The same is true for debates among partners. Before you get into a political discussion with your partner, plan ahead and have a safe word that indicates to your partner that you are at your limit. Listening for your partner’s safe word and tone is key for both partners, and remember that, in the end, you and your partner don’t have to share the same political views in order to be a stellar couple. It’s okay to end a conversation without seeing eye-to-eye with your partner, and by meeting each other with respect and understanding, you and your partner can continue to have a healthy relationship with your own unique political beliefs.

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