As the holidays approach, we often think about the kinds of things our partner likes and what we are planning to give them. Usually, it’s a physical object that we intend to wrap and put under the tree. But we don’t have to buy something for our partner or physically give them anything at all in order to be a giving partner. To give is to provide something, and more often than not, our partner needs us to provide them with more than gifts. As a giving partner, we should strive to be giving toward our partner in the ways in which they need and want it, whether that means entertaining a bedroom fantasy or picking up some of the slack around the house when your partner has had a hard day.

Finding Balance

For many of us, it is easy to receive gifts or favors, so much so that we might not even realize that our partner did the dishes. Our partner may be happy to do it, even when it’s not their turn, but if our partner has done the dishes, our goal should turn toward another chore, perhaps one that our partner dislikes. In this way, we are going above and beyond for our partner without the expectation of or the need for reciprocation. 

When Things Feel One-Sided

Sometimes, our partner has a bad day, sometimes they get in a rut, and sometimes they need a little extra support and attention than usual. These times don’t usually last, but they can put a strain on all members of the relationships, especially when one person leans more heavily on the other. Remember that, even if it feels like we are doing a lot for our partner during their hardship, we are giving in their time of need, knowing that we can trust in our partner to be giving in ours.

Being Giving In the Bedroom

Being a giving partner extends into the bedroom, where we often feel shame about our fantasies and desires. It’s important to realize that, when they express a bedroom desire, our partner is allowing themselves to be vulnerable in a way that should always be met with respect and understanding. By suspending our judgements, agreeing to temporarily step out of our comfort zone for the sake of our partner, and attempting to understand our partner’s more intimate needs, we can give our partner unique pleasures and sometimes even find some of our own.

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