Our sexuality is a huge part of our identity, and while coming out as gay, bisexual, or any other non-straight sexuality may be scary and, in some cases, painful, it can also be liberating and empowering. Establishing our sexuality is an important part of our developmental journey into adulthood, and it helps us gain a sense of authenticity with ourselves, as well as with our partners.

When thinking about coming out to a partner, there are lots of questions you may have as to the best way to breach the subject, whether or not you should talk to your partner about it at all, and maybe even whether you are gay, straight, or, in fact, bisexual. On the other hand, if you are the partner receiving the news that your partner is or may be bisexual, your questions may be even more complicated. But while clear communication is valuable, compassion and tolerance on both sides are what will determine how successfully you navigate this topic together.

Talking to Your Partner About Sexuality

Relationships thrive when both partners work together to be their most authentic selves. You may not know the intricacies of your own sexuality, let alone those of your partner. But open, honest communication can certainly help you nail down your thoughts, feelings, and preferences, and a few sessions with a relationship therapist can go a long way in navigating those conversations. Authenticity means being true to yourself and actively working to communicate your thoughts and feelings as accurately as possible, no matter how difficult the topic may be to discuss. Seek authenticity in conversations of sexuality, and you’ll have started off on the right foot.

Bisexuality and Monogamy

More often than not, these are two separate issues. Just because your partner is bisexual that doesn’t necessarily mean they need, or even want, to seek out or be with another person. For many, bisexuality is simply an openness to the kind of person you are sexually and/or emotionally attracted to. It has nothing to do with whether your relationship is monogamous or not. If you or your partner find yourselves attracted to someone outside of your relationship, that is actually a much different conversation that you’ll need to navigate, and it may or may not be spurred by one’s bisexuality.

Concerns of Infidelity Around Bisexuality

Every once in a while, a person who believes themselves to be straight finds that they are attracted to someone of the same sex, whether it’s a friend, coworker, or someone else. Feeling this attraction is okay and normal, if slightly surprising for the assumed straight person. But acting on these feelings without your partner’s consent is considered infidelity, and bisexuality does not give you a right to cheat. If this other person is on your mind to the point that you feel inclined to act, that is a good indication that you need to have a conversation with your partner about your sexuality and this new person. At the end of the day, you might need a moderator like a marriage counselor to help you navigate the topic of infidelity and sexuality all at once, but with honest communication, compassion, and tolerance, you can get to the root of your issues and work toward a solution together.

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