Forming and nurturing a relationship is a complicated process, from first meeting to tying the knot. As milestones go, getting married is one of the first big ones, and it can set the stage for the rest of your story together. Many of us are conditioned by our culture, the media and even family members to think of marriage as one’s happily ever after. But walking down the aisle doesn’t immediately lead to perfect happiness, nor does it guarantee harmony for years to come. The truth is that marriage, and relationships in general, take work and ongoing communication, and marriage can certainly be a happily ever after story if both parties are willing and able to make the effort.

Avoid Common Relationship Myths

Our mindset can be a significant contributor to the success of our relationships, as well as to their downfall. However, taking the time to understand each other and learn the best methods for communication can get us a lot further than simply buying into these common misconceptions about marriage.

Here are a few truths to acknowledge in pursuit of your happy ever after:

• We might not always feel “in love.” Relationships fluctuate and the chemicals that surged through our brains on our wedding day often need encouragement to surge later on in our relationships. This is a normal part of relationships that often gets left out of romantic comedies and society’s discussions of marriage. When it feels like the spark is gone, think of it as a temporary feeling and an opportunity to work with your partner to bring it back. Make it fun!

• We can’t do everything together. Marriage gives us the feeling that we have someone to lean on, and this is true! After all, our spouse is our partner in life. However, that doesn’t mean we need to function as a unit. Seek out activities that foster independence as well as cooperation. It’s important to get a healthy dose of both as this can help develop expectations in the relationship.

• We might find ourselves attracted to other people. And that’s normal and okay! Relationships are built on trust and commitment to one person (unless it is a polyamorous relationship), and as long as neither partner acts on their attractions without the other’s consent, there is no need to fear. Talk to your spouse about your fears, attractions, desires, and commitment, and be open to what you might hear from your partner. Remember that thoughts and feelings are unavoidable, but infidelity is.

Address the Needs of the Relationship

First and foremost, this means looking at both partners’ needs and working together to address issues that prevent those needs from being met. A licensed marriage counselor can help identify what those needs might be in your unique relationship and help you explore options for satisfying them. But you can get started on your own by promoting positive, authentic individuality in your relationship. This could take the form of a conversation, self reflection, or even sexual exploration. However you approach the needs of your relationship, keep these in mind and talk to your partner about how you both feel these needs are being satisfied in your relationship:

• Need for Excitement and Surprise

• Need for Authenticity and Communication

• Need for Independence and Self Care

• Need for Regulation and Validation

At the end of the day, it is possible for marriage to lead to a happily ever after. But you and your partner have to be willing to put work into your marriage in order to get that fairytale ending. Don’t buy into the myths, communicate about your needs, and you might be surprised how well things go!

For more relationship advice and information on relationship therapy services, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!