You’re Not Alone in Supporting Your Disabled Child

Disability affects people in a variety of different ways, and for the abled people who love and support disabled people, it can be hard to speak up when our mental health begins to suffer. Abled people often want to put their disabled loved ones ahead of themselves, shouldering both physical and emotional stresses without taking the time to acknowledge the fact that a disabled child is not helpless. We sometimes want to shelter our children from the world, and in doing so, we sometimes take on a mental load that we think we have to bear alone. This can quickly begin to deteriorate mental health, and this is no more true than in the case of parents with disabled children.

Validating The Struggle

It is extremely difficult being the parent of a disabled child, and it’s important to acknowledge and validate the struggle of abled parents supporting their disabled children. We as a society propagate ableism everyday, and it’s no more apparent than it is to a parent who routinely experiences a lack of support and accommodations available for disabled people throughout everyday life. As parents, we want nothing more than to have our kids be accepted and embraced for who they are, and it can be tiring and lonely having to constantly set an example for how to be around and engage with a disabled person. This is one reason why we have to validate this struggle both to ourselves as parents of disabled children and as productive members of society.

Finding Others Who Share Your Experience

There are a few things you can try to help stave off feelings of loneliness as the parent of a disabled child. One such activity is intentionally seeking out disabled adults with the same disabilities, who can give a unique perspective that helps parents better understand the struggles and successes they and their children may encounter. It can also be helpful to connect with other parents of children with the same disability. Together, you can share what you’ve learned and, in turn, provide greater validation and support for their kids.

Navigating Grief

It’s not uncommon for disabled children, especially older kids, to feel like their disability is a burden to you as well as them. Some have experienced a loss, such as in the Deaf community, and others experience a lifetime disability that requires them to learn to function in a society not well-designed to meet their needs right from the very beginning of life. For parents of disabled children, it might also feel like a loss in some ways, whether time, energy or potential experiences. And it’s important not to let those feelings fall onto the shoulders of our children. Seeking out private spaces to grieve can be a very useful and appropriate way to navigate grief. It could be in special needs counseling or in your favorite quiet place. Wherever you end up, remember that where there is loss, there is also room for new opportunities for experiences you might never have expected.