What Do Your Disagreements Look Like?
/Do you and your partner ever get into stressful or confrontational conversations and you both end up saying things out of left field that have no applicable nuance to the situation or refer to things that happened in the past and don’t apply to the current situation?
If you guys struggle to be productive and reasonable during argumentative conversations, fair fighting is probably something you should look into. Fair fighting means taking the BS, name-calling, and irrelevant conversational points out of a situation to focus on the situation at hand.
Let’s take a look at how we can fight a bit more fairly.
Name Calling
Curse words, insults, and increased volume all contribute to making the situation more stressful and intense for both parties involved. Keeping your confrontation as calm and respectful as possible is the first step to fighting fairly and keeping your conversation focused and productive. It’s easy to lash out, but don’t do it.
Blaming Each Other
If neither you nor your partner can take responsibility for your actions, how are you supposed to get anywhere? Avoid blaming your partner and own up for your involvement in the situation when applicable. Dropping your guard with someone you love can do wonders compared to keeping your pride and walls up.
No Use or Threat of Physical Force
There is no implication or act of threatening, throwing, swinging, hitting, or any other type of violent action or physical abuse in fair fighting. Once violence has entered your relationship it has become dangerous and everyone involved should remove themselves from the situation at hand immediately.
Speak from your perspective
Avoid assuming, insinuating, or extending blame from your perspective onto your partner. Instead, focus on making “I feel…” “this makes me feel…” “When we…” Statements so that your partner can see things from your perspective rather than feeling they need to be on the defense. Remember, the focus of fair fighting is to listen to each other, hear each other, support each other, and be productive.
Avoid Past Grievances
Stick to the relevant situation and don’t bring up other, non-applicable instances. This simply serves as a distraction and frustration from the issue at hand.
Don’t Interrupt
Regardless of what you have to say, interrupting someone is disrespectful and lets people know that you don’t care about what they have to say, So if you do care, be sure to wait your turn and consider what your partner has been saying when you respond.
Stepping Away
If you feel like you can’t fight fairly or your emotions are not able to be controlled, take a step away from each other and revisit the conversation later.
To make sure things get the attention they deserve, set a time later that day, the next day, or in the future at which you and your partner will revisit the topic after you have both had more time to think about it and cool down. This will ensure your conversation is more productive and respectful.
Relationships take work.
Every relationship has its ups and downs and can benefit from relationship therapy. See all of our relationship therapy services here or contact us to schedule a consultation.
