5 Tips for Surviving and Thriving This Holiday Season

Oh, the holidays. While certain television channel holiday movies (you know which ones I’m talking about…) make love and relationships seem like a breeze, the rest of us know better. As soon as the Halloween decorations come down, a calm yet steady dose of stress and anxiety can start to rear its ugly head. Let’s face it — being in a relationship during the holidays can be tough; it’s not always twinkling lights and caroling about. In reality, our minds start running even faster than months prior as we rattle off all of the things that need to be done and dealt with: saving money, buying gifts, getting the house ready for incoming relatives, tolerating in-laws, dinner parties, holiday celebrations, work parties… the list goes on and on. Because of the peppermint-scented brain overload, relationships can easily get pushed to the back-burner. Before you know it, you’re taking on a new year and upon reflection, it doesn’t even seem like you actually spent time with you S.O. 

This year, work together to calm the dizzying stress by prioritizing your time together during these beautiful, joyous months. Here are five tips for surviving and thriving through the holidays.

1. Plan Ahead

As the final two months of the year approach, make a point of sitting down together to look through schedules and organize your plans. Hey — you could even open up a bottle of wine and call it a date! Create a calendar to include any special events coming up and decide which ones you’ll attend, and which ones you’ll pass on. This way, one partner isn’t committing to an event without the other being on the same page, therein potentially avoiding a conflict down the road. On especially busy days, like Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, break the day down to the hour to make sure you’re making time for all the agreed upon visits. 

During this romantic planning date, it’s not a bad idea to also discuss your budget and divide the holiday to-do list between the two of you. Sticking one partner with all the gift shopping and wrapping is a recipe for resentment. Make an agreement about who is shopping for whom, make a list of gift ideas, and decide by what date the shopping should be finished. 

2. Proactively Schedule a Therapy Session

Taking one hour out of your week to meet with your couple’s therapist will almost certainly produce big returns. Knowing that the stressful holiday season (and everything that is involved) is about to break the horizon, it’s a great opportunity for each of you to get all of your concerns and anxious thoughts out on the table. Worried about getting stuck at the in-law’s house for hours on end? Let your therapist help you create a plan. Freaking out about having to find the perfect gift for each other? Allow your therapist to guide you in setting reasonable expectations. Dreading the seven-hour drive you take every year just to spend one night with that weird second cousin of yours? Trust your therapist to facilitate that discussion. Having an unaffiliated, third-party influence can turn awkward conversations or arguments into a safe space where listening, understanding, and honoring each other’s feelings brings you even closer together. 

3. Prioritize Your Relationship

Look — this is almost always the busiest time of the year, so it’s even more imperative that you make your relationship with your significant other a top priority. If that means scheduling in some ‘holidate’ nights (see what I did there?), so be it. If that means committing to one full month of tech-free dinners together, great! If your uninterrupted one-on-one time means turning down a party invitation, it is more than okay. Just remember to practice the three A’s: attention, appreciation, and affection; if each of you is committed to doing those three things, the rest will fall into place. 

4. Create Traditions

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind, and even more so during the holidays because there are more items on your checklist than usual. But don’t lose sight of what a special time of year it is. Take advantage of the opportunities to enjoy each other’s company, and maybe even create a few traditions along the way. Hang decorations together, build a snowman, visit local festivities, have a baking competition, go sledding. The greatest traditions are usually grown organically, so don’t make it feel like you’re just adding one more thing to your already booked schedule. Let inspiration take over and appreciate the moment!

5. Seek to Understand

If, or more likely, when problems arise, remember to listen with the intention of really understanding one another. Communication is a two-way street. Together, you must agree to be open and honest with your feelings and be willing to truly listen and seek to understand. For instance, your spouse might have near-crippling anxiety about spending three straight days with your side of the family. But if that anxiety is swept under the rug, you’ll be left wondering why your partner is acting so erratically come day one of your visit and why you suddenly feel so defensive of your family. If you have already set the expectation of open communication with each other, they can express their true feelings about the three-day visit, and you can listen with the intent of understanding their point of view without feeling like you need to be on the defensive. 

In the end, remember that the spirit of the holiday season is to give, love, and spread joy, and who better to offer those sentiments to than your main squeeze? 

Oh, you’re single? Well, why didn’t you say so?! Check out our blog post for Holiday Do’s and Dont’s for Singles.