Making Polyamory Work in 2020

When it comes to alternative relationships, polyamory is one of the most common and least understood. We too often wrongly lump polygamy or open relationships in the same category, but in reality, polyamory provides unique relationship dynamics that come with their own benefits, as well as their own struggles. In 2020, polyamorous relationships are becoming more and more prevalent as couples and individuals look to explore the many facets of alternative relationships, and like any other relationship, there are important questions as to how to make lasting and fulfilling connections.

Polyamory Vs Polygamy Vs Open Relationships

The difference between polyamory and polygamy is too often disregarded due to the similarities in their names. However, polygamy is most commonly a heterosexual union between one person and multiple partners of the opposite sex. There are sometimes religious connotations around polygamy that are absent in polyamorous relations. Polyamory is an intimate, consensual, non–monogamous relationship between multiple people of any gender or sexuality, and it often emphasizes interconnectivity between all partners. Open relationships are similar, but they don't require that all partners share affection, nor do they require the emotional, intimate connection found in polyamorous relationships.

The Unique Struggles of Polyamory

Communication, validation, and regulation all become a bit trickier when a relationship has more than two individuals. But for many, the risk is worth the reward, and it's important to understand what those risks are so they can be addressed among all members of the relationship. In particular, establishing and respecting boundaries is likely the biggest struggle facing polyamorous relationships. Jealousy can easily crop up, throwing off the balance in the entire group. What affects one person negatively is likely to affect the others, and sometimes good polyamorous relationships suffer from a simple lack of communication and boundaries. But alternative relationships like these can also experience adversity from external sources, such as families, friends, employers, or simple strangers. In such cases, one’s self-esteem and the confidence to pursue a happy, polyamorous relationship can be affected. These issues are normal for all relationships, even cisgender, heterosexual relationships, but a lifestyle of polyamory demands greater attention to ensure stability for everyone involved.

A Few Things to Try

Whether you've entered a newly polyamorous relationship, enjoyed one for years, or are simply considering the options with your current partner, there are a few things you can try to ensure communication is clear, concerns are addressed, and potential upsets are avoided.

• Practice self-care and emotional regulation consistently.

• Sit down with your partner(s) once per week to talk about your relationship and how it's going, and be sure to have a conversation as soon as an issue arises.

• Create a list of rules and boundaries that all members of the relationship should be aware of and abide by.

• Establish unique connections with each partner individually and communicate what you find "sacred" in that individual relationship that you are not willing to share with others.

• Schedule an appointment with a relationship counselor to get help in making the changes you want to see in your relationship.

For more relationships advice and information on polyamory therapy services, follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can also check out our new YouTube channel, our Facebook Group, or our Facebook Live events, where YY Wei will be answering questions from people like you!